Some people are just Miserable poopy-heads

I'm a happy person and have no trouble finding some good in just about everyone I meet. However, recently a new person has entered my life, and this person clearly does not like me.

I spent 2-3 weeks trying to prove my awesomeness to this person. I bought lunches, favorite cookies, smiled until my face hurt. In return, I received rude remarks and sour dispositions. 

To be honest, this really bothered me. I started to doubt myself. Maybe I said or did something offensive. Maybe I am just not likable. 

I stewed about it. I strategized. What if I threw some hot chocolate in with the Fresh Market cookies? That would certainly have a more desirable outcome. EVERYONE loves hot chocolate! Or, maybe I will just ignore. Yes! That will work! The silent treatment! Nope. Didn't work.

I gave up. When I stopped trying, I started to notice something. This person treats everyone exactly the same way. This person is permanently frowny and unhappy. This person is a miserable poopy-head. I started to think about what it must feel like to BE this person. It really must suck. 

Maybe the real lesson here is figuring out how to let go of my ego and show kindness to everyone regardless of how they treat me. Sometimes it's very difficult to remember that everyone is fighting their own fight and we usually have no idea what their fight is all about. 

Even miserable poopy-heads deserve kindness, don't ya think?

IT'S CLOWN SCHOOL!

No. Not really. Although making people laugh really does rock....clowns are creepy....but anyway, what was I talking about again?

When I close my eyes and picture my perfect life, I picture gigantic cupcakes with no calories, kids who don't talk back, health and prosperity for my family and friends. But, most of all, I picture doing something that really MATTERS. I spent 10 years connecting with women and making a positive impact on their lives by showing them how exercise could be fun. Showing them that strong girls kick ass.

During that time, I was living in an extremely unhealthy and unhappy marriage. I gained strength from the women in my life. I felt most joyful when I was making other women feel better about their bodies and about their lives. In the end, it was that strength that allowed me to make the best decision of my life: to stop feeling sorry for myself, stop feeling afraid of the unknown, to just close my eyes and jump.

The past 3 years have been the happiest of my life. The most difficult, but the happiest.

And that is why I have decided to become a Life Coach. I want to empower women to dig deep and find their joy. That might mean finding a new career, leaving an abusive relationship, getting in shape, quitting their job and traveling the world. Every woman is unique and every woman deserves to find their true path.

I am super duper excited to get started on my new journey!! I will begin with about 100 hours of study and one-on-one training with other certified Life Coaches. In order to get my certification, I will be required to pass two exams and log a certain number of face-to-face coaching hours. BRING. IT. ON.

Can't we all just get along?

This morning, as I was innocently filling my gigantic mug with hot water for my morning English Breakfast tea, I was approached by a fellow office dweller. In the past, I have had maybe 2 or 3 short conversations in the break room with this guy. Nothing in-depth, just general friendly chit-chat.

I could tell immediately by his demeanor that he was disturbed/upset/angry or otherwise not feeling very chipper. However, I was cornered and therefore unable to escape before he began to verbalize his thoughts. The next several minutes proved to be some of the most uncomfortable I have had in quite some time.

I listened quietly as he berated me about my political beliefs. I continued to smile and nod as he called me names such as "elitist" and "thief". Those of you who know me know that I'm generally private about politics and religion. Unlike many, I do not use social media as a platform to advertise or sway others to my views. I have no idea how this guy even knew who I voted for for President.

After approximately 10 minutes, I politely told him that anger and hate are heavy burdens to be carrying around and that I feel we should all respect our fellow Americans and their views - even when they differ from ours. That's when he grunted and stormed off.

I was left speechless - clutching my cooling beverage - for a moment unable to comprehend what had just happened. Maybe that guy was having a bad morning. Maybe he does not have anyone he can talk to about his feelings. He clearly could benefit from some yoga. I'm not defending him, but I do feel sorry for him. Next time I see him in the break room or in the hall, I'm going to smile and wish him a good day :)

Finding perfection in imperfection

Growing up, we had a golden retriever named Ginger. Ginger was really my sister's dog. I thought she drooled too much and smelled weird. My sister loved her unconditionally. In her later years, Ginger developed cataracts and could not navigate the house very well. She also developed an unfortunate cluster of growths on her nether region (which we lovingly referred to as her butt warts). The grosser and smellier Ginger got, the more my sister loved her. Back then, I just didn't get it.

For many years, I searched for perfection in my life. I wanted a perfectly neat and tidy home, clean and well behaved children (we all know how that one turned out), I wanted every day to be a good hair day. Every time something did not turn out the way I wanted it to, I felt a keen sense of disappointment.

I believe that my journey over the past year or so has taught me to see that in essence, perfection is a myth. When you look at your old, blind, stinky dog with pure depth of emotion, that dog - to you - embodies perfection. I look at my life as if with different eyes these days. Messy house, kid sleeping in the living room, cat pee on the backpack, weeks between home-cooked meals....yet I can say honestly, I have never been happier. My kids desperately need haircuts and sometimes they forget to brush their teeth (and I forget to remind them!), but they are happy and healthy. My toe nails could really use some TLC, my car is making a really loud noise, but I am happy and healthy. Wish I could have learned this lesson from my sister when I was 14. Better late than never, right?

My Year of Poverty

You know what sucks about being poor? You can't buy the stuff you want. That having been said, poverty has it's benefits. I've done quite a bit of soul searching lately and always try (but sometimes fail) to put a positive spin on things. I think I've learned more this past year than I did the first 40 years of life combined. One lesson stands out above all the others: Stuff is just Stuff. Why was that one so hard to learn? Why was it so hard to let go of THINGS? Ever notice that your fear of the unknown can paralyze you? I lived in that fear for so long that I lost sight of the truly important things. Once I let go and took a leap of faith, I found the beauty of the every day that had been lost to me for so long. Yesterday, I nearly cried tears of joy when I cut open a cantaloupe and found it to be utterly perfect. A 2.00 cantaloupe. A good cycle class followed by a coffee with a friend bring me more joy than a new Kate Spade bag. Learning to find happiness in simplicity is an easy task for some, but for me it was tricky. I've always been a late bloomer.....but so glad I'm now getting the change to experience it. Don't get me wrong, some days I still wish I had a new car or a giant blingy diamond.....but I always try to remind myself of all the wonderful "things" I do have and am usually able to forget the other stuff. I never again want to live through what I have lived through over this past year, but at the same time, I would not trade it for the world :)

my future's so bright i gotta wear shades

bright and early this morning, some strange looking dude arrived to install my new dishwasher. (yippie!!). he had a crucifix tattoo on his forehead. i found it oddly fascinating.

i wonder what would inspire him to do such a thing to his face. does this crazy looking dude have a family? people who love him and make him feel safe? i feel like i want to take him in and be his friend and fix his face.

lately, i've been feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. i have a whole new life ahead of me & none of it would be possible without the help i've received along the way. and continue to receive....

my friends and family have supported me whole heartedly and i hope they know how much it has meant to me.

as i simplify my life, things are really coming into focus for me. so many lessons learned in such a short period of time. i should write a book now that i'm so wise! i'll call it "how to turn 40 without making a bunch of dumbass mistakes". I"ll be rich!

i look over at my boys: one boy sitting in the giant dishwasher box building something out of q-tips, the other boy chasing the cat around with something in his hand....nailpolish?! not sure if it's for the cat or for the kid, but either way, i love my life. i love my boys and i love my peeps.

ch-ch-ch-changes

funny thing about change. we spend so much time trying to avoid it, but when it catches up with you, you realize it's not so bad. it tends to jostle you out of your "normal" and force you to find a new way of thinking. sometimes, that's not such a bad thing. just because things are difficult does not mean that they are wrong.

there is no point in wishing for a different outcome, or second guessing any decisions made along the way. a 17 year marriage is quite an accomplishment these days, and i don't regret one second of it.

i know i'm strong enough to stand on my own two feet. and, with the help of my family and wonderful friends, i will overcome the fear of the unknown.

that having been said, it's still pretty scary stuff.

i've found myself begging friends to help me do things like put up pictures, hook up the wireless internet, and fix any and everything mechanical. yesterday, when the boys were with doug, a gigantic cockroach came charging out of the laundry room. figured the cat would capture it for me, but he was worthless......these are things i'm going to have to learn to do on my own.

not sure which tasks will be the most difficult for me. bug killing? cooking? juggling work and family? eventually, i will master them all. plus a few extras just for fun :)